23 9 / 2013
Earlier this week, I found something intriguing. Me, being naturally curious, I was tempted to crack it down. The nosy cat inside me cannot stand not to know what’s inside that big black box. I plotted my royal stunts on how to do it anonymously in my mind. But then, I stopped. On a second thought, who wants to be back at square one? Certainly, not me. I don’t want that feeling anymore. I don’t want to be guessing again which part were true and which were not. Reliving every second of it in my mind, meticulously checking every tiny details of everything that happened, said and done, thinking I could find answers, was no walk in the park. It’s too fucking depressing (pardon my French) and sucked the life out of me.
You see, knowing too much has its own price. Not to mention having a very good (excellent, rather! I’m an internet researcher for crying out laud.) researching skill and the unstoppable urge to find and know things first hand… is a CURSE! (Okay fine, you can call it “professional stalker” at some point. Haha!) Like a bird who always sees and follows the crumbs, falls in the trap at the end of it, hurting herself every time.
A few months ago, I decided to stop looking for that so-called truth and took a leap of faith. I marked that day and made a commitment— a commitment to make it work, to live a life free from doubts and worries and just live life the way it should be. So, what if your assumptions were true? And what if they’re not? Who cares?! Whatever that is, it’s toxic. And I don’t want it, anymore.
They say I am naive. I say I just believe in the goodness of people, even in those who have hurt me.